Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
