i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
