I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize