i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
