If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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