All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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