Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
