so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
