you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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