I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
