What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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