three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
