pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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