Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I checked into jail on foursquare
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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