He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
