I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh god it's open bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
