by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
