Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
