i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
