MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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