I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
