Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you never un-have a 4some
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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