Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
