I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
