Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
