grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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