i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
