he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
