I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize