Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
