I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
