"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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