if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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