fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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