You don't have asthma, your pregnant
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
