Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
