Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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