I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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