Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
