I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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