the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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