i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
only if we run a train.
done.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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