When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
