So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
