You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
