I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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