Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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