I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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