she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
