I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
