Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Alive.
So much puke
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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