He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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