I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
