He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
