Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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