Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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