I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
