Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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