I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
