It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
