lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
