You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
