ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
