I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize