Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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