You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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