thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
