I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
