Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
